


kamikaze

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Phandom Reverse Bang 2018, Pirates, like once, tw vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For most pirates, the Isle of Riches would sound very appealing. Not for Dan, who got too close to it and witnessed its secrets. Months later, he gets himself taken prisoner aboard Phil’s ship. He’s obnoxious, flirty, and generally a pain in the ass to all on board. But when he gets injured and is forced to let his guard down, Phil finds that Dan isn’t all that he makes himself out to be.





	1. abandon all your logic and put your money on it

**Author's Note:**

> part 2 will be posted in a week!
> 
> thanks to phanandpenguins on tumblr for editing this so last minute. a true hero
> 
> dansphlevels made the art for this, go check it out on tumblr! i stan kate
> 
> i blame any errors on my anxiety enjoy

Dan was rudely awoken by the feeling of someone dumping cold water on him. He was up in an instant, smacking his head against the top of the table he had been sleeping under. He groaned, clutching his head with his hands.

“Get lost, drunkard!”

Dan scrambled to his feet, keeping a hand on his head. He caught the face of a fat, bald man holding a bucket and looking absolutely livid before he ran off, avoiding anymore confrontation with the man. He was vaguely aware of something being thrown after him, but Dan didn’t care.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. Most people didn’t take too kindly to Dan sleeping underneath their stands, some even yelling for the guards to arrest him. 

Contrary to what they thought, Dan hadn’t been drinking at all. He couldn’t afford it; any funds he managed to find went into buying food. And judging by his growling stomach, he barely received any funds for even that.

Eventually, Dan slowed down into a walk, letting his hand fall from his head. It wasn’t even past sunrise and the port was empty, aside from those setting up their stands and shops and the occasional passer byer. Dan would have to wait until later that day to try to steal any food.

He sighed, ambling along the cobblestone path with no real purpose. His soggy curls, which had grown far too long for comfort, fell over his eyes and added to his melancholy mood. 

He remembered the days when he didn’t have to worry about eating or dodging the guards. The days when he sailed from port to port, pillaging them for riches or fun, or tormenting any royal ships they came across. The smell of the sea was like home for him; it was the only reason he bothered staying in the port.

Yet even those memories had been tainted by the claws of time. The captain had wanted something too ambitious and was willing to sacrifice his crew to get to it. In the end, Dan was the only one to survive. He heard the rumors and abandoned ship right before it was led to its doom, never to be seen again.

As he walked, the cobblestone under his feet turned to wooden planks. Dan lifted his head, his eyes immediately drawn to the shore line. He could hear the sounds of the waves, crashing into the land. Something in his chest tugged, but he ignored it. He had to ignore it, for the sake of his sanity.

He stood there, watching as the sun slowly crept up from behind the ocean. His curls slowly dried, returning to their normal greasy, dirty state. More and more people were slowly coming into the port. Returning fishermen glared at Dan, assuming he was drunk. A few of them recognized him and gave him small smiles, pitying his state. Those were worse than the glares.

Dan only left after one of the fishermen tried to approach him. He ducked away from the man, mumbling some excuse about needing to get home. Of course, they both knew that there was no home for him to return to.

Dan wandered aimlessly through the port, scouting out a place for him to rest. Where there weren’t stands, however, there were shops and people inside of them, ready to yell at Dan for loitering.

He managed to find an alleyway to rest in, staying away from the doors that led up to apartments. He sat down and leaned against the wall, letting his eyes fall shut. Before he could stop himself, he had fallen asleep.

-

Dan blinked slowly, the last traces of sleep slipping away. The sun was now well up and Dan could hear the loud chatter of those out in the marketplace.

He yawned, stretching his arms before letting them fall to his sides. Nobody appeared to be going through the alleyway and no one had yelled at him for sleeping there. He stood up, mentally keeping note of the alleyway to sleep in later.

Dan stumbled out of the alleyway and into the crowd, letting himself disappear into it. He loved the crowd, loved how no one glared or took a second glance at him. He felt more at ease within the crowd.

The crowd also meant that Dan could attempt to steal some food from the stands. The bigger the crowd, the less likely Dan was to be noticed.

The smells of food greeted Dan and made his stomach grumble, demanding food. He began eyeing up the stands, looking for one that was busy and easy to grab something from. Most carried fresh fish or some kind of tropical fruit. A few were attempting to sell clothing items or more peculiar food. They didn’t attract as much crowd, so Dan never paid attention to them.

He made his way through the stands, steadily coming closer to the docks once more. He’d attempted to grab a few fruits, but it seemed the vendors seemed more on edge that day. Everytime he was close to getting away, the vendor would speak up or yell at him. 

Running away would only make a scene, so he had been forced to return the food, no matter how much his hungry belly protested for it.

He ended up back at the dock, the smell of sea air and the crowd overwhelming, even for Dan. He sighed quietly; he’d have to make rounds again until the stands closed or he got in trouble. Already he was worn out from it all.

He was turning around to return to the stands when he saw it. While it wasn’t uncommon for foreign ships or royal boats to visit, Dan had yet to see a ship like the one he saw now. With a torn flag waving proudly in the sea wind, it was unmistakable as to what it was.

A pirate ship.

Dan felt himself grinning, his body automatically making its way over to the ship. Memories of days gone by spent sailing the ocean in search of impossible treasure flooded to the surface. The urge to leave the land behind, to once again go searching for adventure all while battling against mother nature herself, was unbearable.

Without much thought or rationalization, Dan walked determinedly up to the ship. He only stopped when he was almost boarding it.

There were no pirates on board, at least none that he could see. He could always play the drunk man if one came across him anyways.

And so, with newfound courage, Dan boarded the ship. The wood creaked under his shoes, the sound like an old friend who he was reuniting with months later. It was a smaller pirate ship, most likely with a smaller crew, Dan noted. The sails were a bit weathered, yet appeared to be in good shape.

It reminded Dan of his old ship, in a way. Worn down, but still standing. 

Well, it wasn’t exactly standing anymore. But that thought made his chest ache, so he pushed it out of his mind.

Now that he was on ship, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was to do. It’d look a bit suspicious if some guy in practically rags was standing aimlessly on a pirate ship. Or maybe not, considering most thought that pirates were nothing more than heartless scavengers. The ache in his chest whenever he thought about his old crew proved otherwise.

A ship meant that there had be food somewhere, Dan concluded. It’d be an easy way to get a decent meal, so long as he didn’t run into any crew members. With the thought of food echoing in his mind, Dan set off below the decks to find where they kept the food at.

It was significantly darker below decks, something Dan wasn’t a big fan of. Light from the sun was sliced by wooden blank, creating small slits of beams that provided the smallest amount of light. Specks of dust danced in these beams, giving the spacing an uneasy vibe.

He had come too far, however, to turn back. Well, not really, but the thought of free food was really appealing. He’d honestly eat stale bread at this point and call it a five star course.

The food was relatively easy to find, with Dan making a minimum of two trips over loose ropes. Surprisingly, they had a rather wide range of food for pirates. Fruit that wasn’t spoiled, bread that didn’t have suspicious looking gray spots, and more.

He had to admire their dedication to keeping fresh food; it was hard not to end up with moldy food after only a week of sailing. The food were kept in separate containers all filled with ice; Dan took note of that for later (though he wasn’t quite sure what later meant).

Without any hesitation, Dan began grabbing handfuls of different foods. Once he had deemed he had grabbed enough, he sat down in front of one of the barrels and began devouring the food. It even tasted fresh and cold, much to Dan’s pleasure.

Before he knew it, he had eaten everything. He felt full for the first time in what had to have been months, having to steal the bare minimum in the past and never receiving a proper meal.

He began licking his fingers, wanting to enjoy every last bit of the food. He wasn’t quite sure when his next meal would be; it had something he had grown accustomed to. He had been so distracted by the food, however, that he never heard the sounds of footsteps echoing below deck as the crew returned to the ship. 

He only took notice that he was no longer safe when he heard the stairs creak, signalling the approach of somebody. Dan stiffened, suddenly aware of just how full he was; he was definitely in no state to fight, that was for certain.

If there was one thing he had learned while being a pirate was how to talk. It was something all pirates had to master and it was the real root of what made them pirates; they were tricksters ready to use their brain and words to get out of any situation.

He heard the exact moment that the people who had come down spotted him. Their conversations died, and suddenly they were storming over. Dan continued to lick his fingers, looking unfazed by the pirates approaching him.

One of them grabbed his arms, forcing him to pay attention to them. There were about three of them, two of them bulky while the third amusingly scrawny compared to the other two.

The scrawny one stepped forward. Dan couldn’t see him very well in the dim lighting and ended up squinting at him, trying to get some idea of what he looked like.

“Who are you?” the scrawny one yelled, irritated at finding a dirty man from the streets on board their ship and stealing their food.

Dan shrugged. “Who’s asking?”

“The captain of the ship, that’s who.”

Dan raised his eyebrows, a bit caught off guard, then smirked. “Well, captain, I’m Dan. Pleasure making your acquaintance.”

The captain was not amused. “What are you doing on my ship? Surely you knew it was a pirate ship? Unless you’re too dumb to know what that actually is.”

“Thought I’d stop by for a little meal. And now that I’m finished, I’ll just be on my way-”

He tried to squirm away from the man holding him, but his grip only tightened. He felt fear creeping in his mind, but he pushed it out, replacing it with faux confidence.

“We don’t deal with trespassers so kindly, especially those that eat our food.” The captain turned towards the other two. “Tie him up.”

“Kinky.”

He could feel the icyness of the captain’s glare despite not being able to see it clearly.

Dan chuckled. “Relax, I like to get to know people a bit better before I sleep with them.” 

“Put a gag in his mouth as well,” the captain ordered, still glaring at Dan. “Then bring him up deck. We’ll decide his fate up there.”

The two men nodded, walking off to get the rope and gag. The captain left without another word, leaving Dan to be wrangled by the other pirates.

With hands tied and gag in place, Dan was lead up to the deck. At first, he resisted, however he quickly stopped once one of the pirates pulled out his sword and used it to threaten him. He at least knew better than to piss off a pirate with a sword. 

Dan emerged from below and was greeted by a small crowd of pirates, all watching in amusement as Dan stumbled forward. Dan glanced around, eyes stopping when he saw the captain.

He was scrawny alright, but it was his eyes that captured Dan’s attention. They were a sea-like blue, stormy with rage and staring at Dan. For the first time since being discovered, Dan actually felt intimidated. There was something about his eyes that pulled at Dan’s guts and made his heart jolt in a funny way.

They were still at the dock, Dan observed, as he heard the buzz of the morning carry over to the ship. He made note of that fact, in case he needed a quick escape. He was more accustomed to land rather than the boat, something he hadn’t experienced before. Usually, it was the other way around.

The captain unsheathed his sword, pointing it in Dan’s direction. Like any normal being who enjoys life, Dan was not too thrilled to have a sword pointing at his face, the hilt in the hands of someone whom he had pissed off.

“This man was caught below deck, eating our food supplies.” The captain spoke loudly and clearly, his voice echoing across the deck. “He has been brought up to decide what we shall do with this thief.”

Dan, in all his smartness while staring down a blade, decided to add a comment. “Technically, you’re thieves as well. You are pirates, after all.”

The captain stepped closer, the blade mere inches from Dan’s face. He swallowed nervously.

“No additional comments will be necessary. Now,” he turned to address the crew, “any ideas? Suggestions?”

Dan was expecting something like beheading or walking the plank in typical pirate style. Food supplies were considered almost as sacred as the treasure they searched for. Dan would find a way to escape his death, as he’d done so many times in the past. He’d stopped his thrill seeking after his last escape that left his heart in shatters, guilt weighing down his brain and forcing him onto dry land.

What he got instead was a much less severe punishment ideas. Not that he was complaining.

“Make him mop the deck!”

“Make him buy all our food?”

“Organize the maps that you’ve been putting off for two months.”

“Turn him over to the officials like the gentlemen we are.” (Dan wasn’t too fond of that idea).

The captain smiled, nodding along with each idea. Eventually, he even sheathed his sword once again, making Dan a bit confused yet grateful nonetheless.

“I think those are all brilliant ideas. In fact, why not just make him our prisoner and have him do all the dirty work?”

Cheers of agreement rose from the crew. No one liked chores. Fuck chores.

“Then it’s settled.” The captain turned back to Dan, his smile still on his face. Dan couldn’t help but feel caught off guard by it. “You’ll be our prisoner of chores.”

Dan shrugged. When he was a teen and just becoming a pirate, he had been the one doing all the chores on the ship. He could handle a little dirty work. And since they didn’t seem too keen on killing him, he could test his luck a little.

“Shouldn’t be too bad. I’ll get to see you everyday, Captain.” Dan smirked.

The captain’s smile fell, a hard glare replacing it. “That’s Captain Lester to you. There’ll be no funny business, understand that?”

There was something about his tone, the bitterness and disgust, that made Dan lose his smirk and look down. “Yes, Captain Lester,” he said quietly.

Satisfied with a problem taken care of, the captain turned his back to Dan. “We shall sail once again tomorrow. In the meantime, you know your duties. Try not to make too much of a ruckus in town.” The captain pointed to a girl. “Help get our little friend here situated.”

The girl walked forward, eyeing up Dan with a tactful eye. She smirked. “Shall I put him in the cell?”

“If you will, Sandra.”

Sandra nodded. “Not a problem, Phil.” She walked over to Dan and pulled him up by his shirt.

“We’ll discuss exactly what you’ll be doing tomorrow.” With that, Phil stalked off, heading in the direction of a few of his crew members.

“Alrighty, down to the cell we go.” Sandra gave him a little push, directing him to where the cell was.

It was a small, cramped space with rusting metal bars and a rickety stool sitting pitifully in the corner. Dan felt coldness settle in his belly as he realised that this would be the place he’d be staying most of the days.

“In ya go,” Sandra said, opening the cell door and shoving him in. He ended up stumbling over his feet and landing flat on his face, grunting in pain.

“Will you at least untie me?” he snapped. He was becoming more aware of the rope burning his wrists with each passing second.

Sandra clicked her tongue. “Not with that attitude.”

Dan sighed. “Will you please untie me?”

Sandra beamed. “Since you asked so nicely, of course!” She took her sweet time untying him, pissing him off to no end. He wanted to be alone to brood now; being locked in a cell meant no escape.

Once he was untied, Sandra quickly slammed the cell door shut and locked it, confirming his imprisonment. 

“Enjoy your stay!” Sandra laughed. 

Dan pulled himself up, rubbing his wrists. He glared at her as he watched her disappear back up above, bitterness engulfing him.

He was trapped.

-

The sun was unbearably hot.

Dan swore that he was being cooked alive, his skin slowly turning a pinkish color. He had already gotten sunburned multiple times on his face, his cheeks in a permanent stage of pink.

“That doesn’t look like mopping, Dan.” Sandra yelled at him from her lovely patch of shade.

Dan rolled his eyes, relunctantly returning to ‘swabbing the deck’ as Sandra called it. It was one of his daily tasks and probably the one he hated the most; it was long and tedious and his efforts to make the deck clean would be ruined in an instant as the crew moved around on deck.

He had voiced this to Sandra before, which ended up with him having to clean the deck twice for complaining.

They had been out on sea for about a week and while Dan loved being reunited with the feeling of a rocking ship and the smell of salt, he wasn’t quite loving his current circumstances. His routine was the same everyday: wake up at god forsaken hours, do chores assigned by different crew members, eat a small bit of food and call it lunch, do more chores, eat dinner, then sleep.

It was boring and tiring and Dan could feel himself slowly losing his mind over it.

Today was his lucky day, however, as he when he looked up from where he was mopping, he found that Sandra had fallen asleep.

Dan stared at her, a bit shocked. She wasn’t watching him. He glanced around; the rest of the pirates were occupied with their own tasks, none of them paying any attention to Dan. This was his chance to finally snoop around the ship or do something a bit more exciting than mopping the deck.

What better place to snoop around in than the captain’s cabin?

Abandoning the mop next to Sandra, Dan casually strolled across the ship towards the cabin. No one paid much attention to him, too busy caught up in the own tasks. He smiled to himself, easily slipping into the cabin unnoticed.

Thankfully, the cabin was empty (not that he would have minded running into Phil). It was quite small from what Dan was used to, however it was filled with all sorts of knick knacks and books lining up every wall. Despite being slightly cluttered, the cabin was almost cozy, in a certain way. Light streamed through the window onto the table where maps of all sorts were laid out in what appeared to be a unorganized mess. The bed and the captain’s personal belongings were tucked in a corner, surprisingly surrounded by plants.

There was so much information that Dan found himself clueless as to where to start.

He began at the table, looking over the maps. Most of them were simply shortcuts across the ocean from one port to another, while some lead to supposed treasure. These ones were always the more fascinating ones because they promised things like treasure and mystical wishes. And Dan, being the pirate he was, got a bit of a rush at the idea of it all.

He shuffled through the maps, pushing aside the more boring ones in favor of discovering ones that held a bit more excitement to it. Though it is maps, you can’t get much excitement from them.

He found one particular that caught his eye. The golden script was itchingly familiar and he found himself rushing to grab it before he lost it in the mess of maps. He yanked it free of the pile, holding it out in front of him to read it.

He felt his heart drop suddenly. He knew what this map was.

The sound of a door creaking open startled Dan, causing him to jump and accidentally run into a chair. He ducked under the table, knowing just how pathetic his hiding place was. Everything seemed to freeze around Dan who was still holding the map.

“Who’s in here?” the sound of Phil’s voice rang out.

Dan didn’t say a word, instead opting to wait for Phil to find him.

“Zach, if this is your way of a prank, it’s going horribly. Like it always does,” Phil sighed, walking into the room. Dan watched as Phil slowly moved across the room, heading right towards where Dan was.

Oh shit.

Dan held his breath as Phil slowly walked over and inevitably looked under the table. He seemed to expecting someone else because when he saw Dan, he screamed.

So naturally, Dan screamed back.

“What are you doing in here?” Phil screamed.

Dan scramble out from underneath the table, ready to make a run for it. “Nothing important. I’ll just be on my way-”

Phil grabbed his arm, glaring at Dan. “Not so fast. First, you’ve snuck into my cabin and have gone through my stuff. Second, you’re holding a map that is worth more than both of our lives.”

Dan nervously smiled, then in the least graceful way possible, tossed the map back behind him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Phil rolled his eyes. He grabbed the collar of Dan’s shirt, bringing him close. “You are our prisoner, not one of the crew members, and even they aren’t allowed back here without my permission. Do you understand that?”

Dan gulped, caught in a bit of a trance. You see, Phil’s eyes were very close to him and they were also very, very blue. It was almost like the ocean itself resided in his irises and it was quite distracting. He could feel his brain short circuiting, completely hypnotized by Phil’s eyes.

“I said, do you understand that?”

And Dan, with his brain only thinking about the blueness of Phil’s eyes, answered in the most appropriate way possible. “Can you call a lifeguard? Because I’m drowning in your eyes.”

Well, Dan thought, watching as Phil’s eyes widened in surprise then became even more angry, that was a bit gay.

Phil didn’t say anything, instead dragging Dan out of the cabin and back onto the deck. He brought Dan over to Sandra, who was still sleeping.

“Sandra!”

Sandra startled awake, looking up at Phil fearfully as she noticed him holding Dan.

“C-Captain, what are you doing with Dan?”

Phil glared at her. “I found him in the captain’s cabin, trying to steal one of the maps.”

“Hey, I was not trying to steal a map-”

Phil rolled his eyes, then yanked Dan forward, causing him to run into Sandra. Sandra in response shoved him off with disgust. He landed on his ass and decided that maybe it would be best if he kept his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry Captain, I must have dozed off.” Sandra looked positively terrified, something Dan had never seen from any of the crew until now.

Phil must have seen the fear in her eyes, as his glare softened and he sighed. “You know that we can’t trust him on board.”

Sandra nodded quickly. “I know, and I promise it was a mistake. I’ve just been so tired lately having to watch over Dan and do the night shift. I know I said that I could do it and that it wouldn’t be a problem, but…” She trailed off, looking down in shame.

Phil walked forward, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You know it’s okay to ask for help. You work so hard and push yourself too much at times.” 

Sandra shrugged. “I know, I know.”

Phil sighed. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

Sandra shook her head. “It’s my own fault, I was in charge of him.”

“You were exhausted and accidentally fell asleep. I can hardly blame you for that.”

Dan coughed awkwardly, feeling like he was intruding on something personal (he probably was). He regretted it, seeing the anger return to Phil’s eyes. He laughed nervously.

“So, uh, all good?”

Phil glanced back at Sandra, then to Dan. “Sandra, you can have the rest of the day off. I’ll have Dan stay up in the crow’s nest as punishment.”

Dan felt his stomach plummet. If there was one thing every pirate he ever knew had collectively dreaded, it was the crow’s nest. The strongest of stomachs were turned to jello up there.

“There’s no need for that, I was simply looking around-”

Both Phil and Sandra were unamused.

Dan relented. “Nevermind.”

And so, much to his suffering, Dan found himself being escorted over to the crow’s nest. He climbed up the rusting ladder (very reassuring) and made it up into the crow’s nest. While it wasn’t too bad at first, hours later it felt the complete opposite of “not too bad”.

The crow’s nest, Dan decided as he hung over the ledge, was like taking a ride on the gates of hell and being violently rocked back and forth before your stomach contents decided to make a reappearance.

Forget trying to watch for enemy ships, he’d be lucky if he made it through the night without his dinner making an unpleasant reappearance. Nobody wants that.

The ship gave another lurch and Dan groaned, mentally cursing and praying to any gods out there to spare him.

“You shouldn’t have gone in the captain’s cabin, dickhead,” Dan muttered to himself.

The only good part about the crow’s nest was that he could quite literally hear every conversation going on down below. He learned that Trinity was flirting with Devon while dating Peter on the side. Peter had somehow remained oblivious to Trinity’s moves while the rest of the crew was absolutely livid with her because how dare she treat Peter like that, what did he ever do to her, etc etc.

Typical pirate ship drama.

Besides the unrelenting nausea, the crow’s nest was rather boring. He didn’t see anything but sea for miles and while he loved the sea, it was so motherfucking boring to stare out at it.

Things took an interesting turn, however, when he heard his name being mentioned.

“Why’s Dan up there?”

Dan instantly perked up. Well, perked up as much as his stomach could handle, which really wasn’t a lot.

“I found him in my cabin trying to steal a map,” Dan heard Phil say. “Not just any map; the one that leads to the Isle of the Riches.”

Dan stiffened at the name, memories echoing in the back of his mind. And if they had the map, they were travelling to the same death that Dan knew waited at the end of the map.

“You mean the half that we have.”

Only half?

“Yes, yes, I know. Nevertheless, it is important. We’ve been chasing after the other half for two months now; imagine if we had to chase after.” Phil laughed, the sound breezy and light.

For some reason, Dan found himself wanting to hear it some more. He didn’t ponder that for too long.

“What’s the latest word on it?”

Phil sighed. “All of it’s rumors; some say it’s up North, others say it’s at the bottom of the sea.”

The bottom of the sea is where it belonged in Dan’s opinion.

“Once we get it, however, all efforts will be directed to finding that island.”

Dan frowned. Phil sounded determined to get this map and find the island. If only he knew what awaited there; Dan wished he did.

He sighed, looking out of the horizon. It was only a year ago, yet it felt like an entire lifetime had passed. He once had dreamed of finding the isle and growing old surrounded by riches and paradise. For months, his drive was to follow his captain to the island. And they had almost achieved it.

Then it all went to hell, leaving Dan traumatized and far away from his crew. They had been his family.

Dan was dragged out of his thoughts when he noticed a blimp on the horizon. He shot up, ignoring the protests of his sensitive stomach, squinting to get a better look.

It was another ship.

“Ship ahead!” Dan began yelling, scrambling to get down from the nest. The last thing he wanted to do was be up there for the whole world to see if an aggressive ship was approaching.

His words had thrown the whole ship into chaos. By the time he made it to the deck, crew members were running around, grabbing swords and preparing for the encounter. They had, once again, forgotten about Dan, though this time he decided to keep to his own business. He’d rather avoid the crow’s nest, thank you very much.

Dan ended up going up onto the quarter’s deck and hiding amongst some barrels, able to see what all was going while still staying out of the way.

As the ship drew closer, it became clear that this wasn’t going to be a casual “hey how’s sailing is it going good good that’s good have a good day” meetup. It was another pirate ship, and a pretty violent one, based on the destruction already done to the ship.

This wasn’t going to end well.

It wasn’t too long before a fight had broken out on board, the other crew having boarded their ship. Dan could hear the clash of swords and people grunting with pain and exertion. His heart raced in his chest and he could feel adrenaline rush through him, preparing his own self in case he was discovered.

The sound of two fighters grew closer, and Dan adjusted himself so he could peek out from between the barrels. He recognized one of them to be Phil and the other an enemy.

Dan watched in awe as Phil moved quickly and swiftly, always a step ahead of the enemy. The enemy was smaller than Phil, however lacked his agility and ended up stumbling on his feet. Phil had the obvious upper hand, and it seemed like the fight was going his way.

That is, until the enemy lashed forward, making Phil stumble to the ground.

Dan tensed, watching as the enemy stepped on Phil’s sword. Phil didn’t have the strength to pull it out from underneath. The enemy smirked, knowing he had disarmed his opponent.

Dan was having none of it.

Dan jumped up, knocking over a barrel in the process and catching the enemy’s attention. He whipped around to see Dan running at him and before he could even left his sword, Dan had knocked him off his feet, going down with him.

Phil scrambled onto his feet and swiftly moved to disarm the enemy. Seeing that the odds were no longer in his favor, the enemy ran off, away to get caught up in another fight. Dan stood up, a bit sore from the fall.

“You’re welcome.” Dan winked, earning a glare.

“I recognize these pirates. They shouldn’t be too much. At much they’re nuisances,” Phil commented. He pushed his hair back, sweaty from the physical exertion. His hair ended up in a quiff, the rest of it a mess.

It left Dan practically drooling. And when Phil bent over to pick up the enemy’s sword, his back to Dan, it was safe to say Dan’s mind wasn’t exactly on the battle anymore.

“Dan? Dan, watch out!”

Dan was pulled back into reality when Phil ran past him. He turned around to see Phil clashing swords with another stranger from the other ship. The guy had obviously been aiming to strike Dan.

In the most cliche way possible, Phil had saved Dan.

Phil easily overpowered this enemy, knocking him on the head and causing him to pass out.

Phil looked back at Dan, who had turned pink.

“You’re welcome.”

Dan coughed, not saying anything.

Phil glanced down at the deck, frowning at the chaos taking place. “Try to stay out of trouble, okay?” With that he was off to help the rest of the crew, leaving Dan alone with the passed out enemy.

Dan frowned down at the stranger. He was much grimier than Phil’s crew and had all sorts of things attached to his belt.

He considered ransacking it.

“Might as well,” he muttered, going down on one knee to start pulling off items. Knife, money, suspicious looking liquid, map-

Wait a second.

Dan grabbed the map and opened it, looking over to try to identify it. His eyes widened as he realized what it was.

It was the other half of the map for the Isle of the Riches. It was quite possibly the most coincidental thing Dan had ever experienced, something straight from a fanfiction.

Dan bit his lip, debating internally over whether or not to keep it. If he kept it, he could use it to get an upgrade from his current living conditions. If he threw it out, he’d be saving the entire crew from the trap that laid in wait for its next ship.

Something tugged inside of him. He couldn’t throw it out. There was something inside of him that wanted to go back, to get closure.

To find his own ship again. To find his old crew, if they were even alive. 

And so, Dan kept the map.

-

The battle was over as soon as it started. The other ship left, both ships carrying injuries but thankfully no deaths. Dan kept the map hidden in his boat, letting it burn a hole in his mind.

Days passed, and Dan was back to the same old routine. He was waiting for the right moment to present the map and his proposal.

That time came right after they had stopped for supplies at a small port. They had left the dock a few hours ago, all freshly dressed and food supply restocked. The crew was gathered on the deck, Phil having called an informal meeting.

The major question was where to next? They had been sailing aimlessly for two months now, with only the sliver of hope on finding the other half of the map. They were getting restless; it was time for a change.

“I think we should abandoned the whole thing,” one pirate suggested.

“We should at least keep it as a side mission. We do have half the map, it’d be pointless to carry it around. Plus, if word got out that we had it, we’d be chased down by all sorts of pirates.”

“We could sell the map. We’d certainly earn a fortune that way.”

The crew shared ideas, while Dan remained sat on his barrel, bored to death. Why had he been invited anyway? He could have had much more fun counting wood planks down in his cell.

He could, of course, bring up the map that he had acquired. Maybe he wouldn’t have to sleep in the cell anymore; he’d honestly take anything besides the cold of the cell. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a full night’s sleep and at this point he was too scared to try to remember.

So he cleared his throat. No one noticed. He tried again. He sucked at clearing his throat, apparently.

Instead, he knocked over a barrel. That got everyone’s attention.

“I have something that might interest you.”

He reached into his boat and, dramatically slow, pulled out the map.

“Wow, a scroll of paper,” someone said.

Dan rolled his eyes. “It’s not a scroll of paper. It’s something much better.” He unrolled it and showed it to the crew, who immediately reacted in shock.

“Oh my god. Oh my fucking god-”

“Has this motherfucker had the map all along? Why didn’t we think to check him?”

“I swear I’m gonna commit a homicide, this dickhead-”

Dan smirked, amused by the absolute chaos the crew had fallen into.

Phil stepped forward, his face passive. He was the only one who didn’t appear to be having a mental breakdown over the map.

“Where and when did you get that, Dan?”

His voice commanded silence, all the attention waiting for Dan to answer.

“Back when the other pirate ship attacked, one of the crewmembers had it with him. He was knocked out so I took it from him, no problem. Been carrying it around in my shoe ever since.” Dan rolled up the map, preparing for the next stage. The part where they asked him for it.

Phil sighed, also knowing what was to come next. “What do you want in exchange for the map?”

Dan stood up, walking over until he was inches away from Phil. Then, quietly so no one else could hear, Dan whispered,

“You.”

Something flashed across Phil’s face, then it turned to annoyance. But before he could speak or yell at Dan, Dan spoke again.

“Relax! I’m joking.” He stepped back and turned to the rest of the crew. “All I want is freedom. And a hammock to sleep in, rather than the prison cell.”

The crew began talking again. There was no real reason to say no; it was a simple demand and they did have a few extra hammocks.

“That’s not too bad, we can arrange that,” Phil agreed. He’d honestly expected worse, like what Dan had whispered as a “joke”. “You will still have to help out on board.”

Dan shrugged. “Of course, of course. Do we have a deal?”

Phil looked over at the crew. They all were nodding in agreement. They needed this map.

“Alright. We have a deal. You can sleep in one of the hammocks and will no longer be considered our prisoner. That doesn’t make you a crew member, however.”

Dan beamed and eagerly handed over the map. Finally, he had a decent bed to sleep in, even if it was simply a hammock.

(Phil was absolutely disgusted when he found out the map now reeked of sweaty feet).  
Now they had the entire map and it was obvious what their next journey would be to. Not too long after, Phil dismissed the meeting and headed back into his cabin to further review the map.

Later that night, however, as Dan laid in his new hammock, he couldn’t help but feel something akin to guilt. He knew where that map lead and what they would find, and yet he had given them the other half.

Dan sighed, rolling over and hiding his face in the fabric of the hammock. He’d deal with it later, he told himself. He’d make sure they wouldn’t suffer the same fate he or the rest of his old crew did.

-

As the weeks went on, Dan slowly began to take more and more advantage of his freedom. He began to slack off on chores, choosing instead to gossip with whoever was willing to listen. He had learned quite a bit about the crew from all the gossiping.

What Dan enjoyed most about this new freedom, however, is that he got to speak to Phil more. Though, Dan wasn’t so sure if Phil was enjoying it.

“Can I see your tan lines?”

“I must be lost cause I see paradise.”

“I’m a love pirate, here for your booty.” (Phil had punched him for that one)

“If everyone was a beach, I’d pick you to lie on.”

“Is it hot out here, or is it just you?”

Finally, Phil cracked. “Why do you keep using pick up lines on me? Shitty pick up lines, by the way.”

Dan shrugged, leaning against the railing of the ship. “You tell me, hot stuff.”

Phil sighed. He stared at Dan, blue eyes analyzing him. Dan felt his insides twist as Phil stared at him, nervousness creeping up his back.

He didn’t do nervous, however. 

“You’re hiding something.” Phil’s voice was soft, making Dan even more nervous. Phil was chipping at his wall and he didn’t like it.

“Yeah, I’m a secret serial killer.” Dan laughed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Dan walked off quickly, ignoring the look Phil was giving him. Phil was too good for him, he’d seen it from merely being on the ship and seeing how he treated the others.

Phil loved his crew and cared for each of them individually. He was always checking on them, sharing inside jokes and whispering secrets. They were a giant family, and Dan was a mere outsider invading in their home.

Dan ignored how that thought made his insides twist in a buried sorrow.

More days passed and it became obvious that cheesy pick up lines weren’t catching Phil’s attention anymore. Even the most crude ones only left Phil shrugging his shoulders or ignoring him completely.

So Dan began to mess around more, creating a ruckus and generally pissing off the rest of the crew. Karma was a bitch, however, and one day he pushed his luck a bit too far.

He was standing on top of the railing, laughing as he stumbled to keep balance. He could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of Phil. He even dared to walk a few steps, enjoying the panicked yelling from Phil that he was going to fall.

It was fun and Dan was finally getting attention. Then all went to hell, and Dan stumbled.

He at least managed to fall onto the ship rather than the water.

His body hit the deck ungracefully, but the most damage was done to his head. The moment is slammed into the deck, Dan blacked out for a moment before slowly regaining conscious.

Shit.

He could distantly hear Phil speaking, but his head was spinning too much to understand what had happened. Where was he again? Why was he lying on the decking? Confused, he stumbled onto his feet, swaying a bit as he stood up.

He felt queasy and his head felt like someone had taken it for a ride on a rollercoaster.

“I told you not to stand up there! You could have died. Dan, I swear, are you even listening?”

Dan turned to Phil and regretted everything. He had never seen Phil so mad that he began to fear for his own life. What had he done? It hurt to remember. It hurt to even think.

“‘M fine, I’m good,” Dan mumbled, stumbling forward a bit.

Phil bristled. Dan didn’t look fine. “This is what you get for standing up there. You’re so selfish and reckless, I can’t stand you.”

Dan swallowed, frozen in place. Everything hurt, everything was wrong. He had fucked it up, because Phil was right. He was selfish, so selfish that he abandoned his crew as they sailed to their deaths.

Dan lurched forward, the queasiness suddenly too much. He vomited on the deck, the rest of the world falling apart around him. 

The last thing he saw before he passed out was Phil’s eyes, so blue, drowning him once again.


	2. you can tell everybody, mama I'm a kamikaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments for that sweet feedback

His own head throbbing brought woke him up. He slowly opened his eyes, groaning in pain. His throat burned and felt as dry as a desert.

“Dan?”

Dan weakly looked around, searching for the source of the voice. He found Phil standing at the end of the bed.

It was strange. Dan didn’t remember having a bed, only Phil did.

He tried to sit up, to find out exactly where he was, however the moment he tried to move his head protested and he was hit with nausea. Phil moved forward and gently laid him back, his head propped up by some pillows.

“Don’t move, you’ll worsen it,” Phil whispered.

Dan blinked slowly. It was hard to think, hard to focus on the words. He could see Phil’s mouth moving, but the words sounded gibberish to him.

“Huh?”

Phil sighed and sat down next to Dan’s body. “You have a concussion,” he spoke slowly, “from falling on the deck.”

Dan frowned. “How long was I out?”

“An hour or so. You threw up before you passed out as well. You really scared me, Dan.”

Dan stared at Phil. He felt guilty and embarrassed, doing something so reckless for Phil’s attention.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” Dan whispered.

Phil was shocked, to say the least. He’d never heard Dan apologize before, let alone admit that he was wrong. Yet now he had done both of those things. It must have been the concussion.

“It’s alright, just please, don’t do that again.”

Dan hummed, letting his eyes fall shut. It hurt to simply think and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

“Here, drink some water. Your throat must feel awful.” Phil brought a cup to Dan’s lips. Dan drank it eagerly, the coolness relieving the burning sensation in his pain. He ended up drinking the entire cup of water. When he was finished, Phil set the cup aside.

“Where am I?” Dan mumbled. 

“My cabin. I brought you here so I could make sure you were okay.”

Dan suddenly panicked. He was in Phil’s bed, invading Phil’s private space. He struggled to sit up and barely managed. The nausea was back in full force. All Dan could do was breath heavily as he struggled to keep the water down.

“Dan, you need to lay down. You’ll only hurt yourself more.”

Dan turned to look at Phil. He was looking at Dan with such concern that it physically hurt, driving a knife into Dan’s chest.

“I don’t want you hurt more than you already are.”

Dan could feel his wall, the barrier built after months of mourning silently while trying to survive, chipping away. It hurt to breathe, to look at Phil and see the genuine care. After all that Dan had done, Phil had gone out of his way to care for him.

“Why?” Dan choked out, a lump in his throat distorting his words. “Why are you caring for me, why are you sacrificing your own space for me?”

Phil stared at Dan as if Dan had said that the sky was blue. “Because even if you annoy me, you still deserve to be treated with kindness. You’re more than bad pick up lines and a scavenger.”

Dan blamed the concussion for the tears beginning to form in his eyes. No, no this was bad. He was Dan Howell, the pirate who had ran away from his crew rather than warning them what was to come. The pirate who lied to his captain that final night, lied about protecting the map when instead he stole it. He didn’t deserve kindness, not after what he had done to his past crew, the crew that was his family.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, seeing the tears slipping out of Dan’s eyes. Before Dan could fight him off, Phil had pulled Dan into a hug. He cradled Dan to his chest, gripping onto him to keep him from breaking.

Everything that Dan had been fighting against came crashing down. For the first time since that fateful night, Dan cried. He cried loudly and heavily, months of misery and regret suffocating him.

Dan had never felt so much pain. His head pounded with each sob, his chest ached from the emotional weight, and his body felt so weak and pathetic. He let himself be held by Phil, giving up on any barriers.

Phil rubbed his back, letting Dan cry on him. He could feel Dan shaking from the force of it, making his own heart break. He could have never expected this from Dan, the same man who had been tormenting him for weeks. Where was all this coming from?

Dan cried until no more tears would come. He was left hiccuping and exhausted even more than before.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, curling further into Phil’s chest, desperate for comfort.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil said, desperate to comfort him, “whatever it is, it’s okay.”

Dan sniffed and hiccuped. “It’s not, it’s really not.”

Phil sighed. “I know it feels like that. But whatever the reason, it’s in the pass now. There’s nothing you can do but move forward.”

Dan whimpered, his eyes forcing themselves closed. His mind had become quiet, drained from the concussion and emotional breakdown. All he could focus on was Phil. He could hear him breathing, feel his hands warm against his back. It was his stabilizer, calming him down.

Phil could feel Dan slowly falling asleep against him, yet he didn’t mind. He didn’t have the heart to move; Dan crying had shown Phil how little he actually knew about Dan. Whatever it was that had caused Dan to break down so harshly, Phil wanted to help Dan with it.

Once Phil knew Dan was asleep, his breathing slow and steady in contrast to earlier, he carefully laid Dan down. He tucked Dan back in and stared at the sleeping man. It was the most peaceful Phil had ever seen from Dan.

Phil left Dan to rest with a heavy heart and a multitude of questions about who Dan really was.

-

Dan spent the rest of the day slipping in and out of sleep, the concussion preventing him from doing much other than lying in bed in pain. He was a bit embarrassed over his breakdown and maybe a bit guilty.

All in all, he felt awful.

When night came around, Phil returned to the cabin with a plate of food for Dan. He silently helped Dan sit up then sat on the other side of the bed.

Dan nibbled at the food, his appetite struggling due to the nausea. It had gotten slightly better with sleep, but Dan didn’t want to risk it.

“Still feeling nauseous?”

“A bit.” He ate another small bite before he gave up, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Phil took his plate and put it on the bedside table, hoping Dan would eat more later.

Phil looked over at Dan. He looked so much different than what Phil had previously seen him as. Before, Dan looked like a cold hearted thief, his eyes cold and face coiling into a smirk whenever Phil yelled at him.

Now, he was laying in Phil’s bed, weak and in pain. Phil had seen him crying and even held him. It was such a dramatic change; Phil didn’t know how to react.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil started, the memories of Dan breaking down haunting him. 

Dan didn’t want to talk about it. He’d repressed everything for so long, he didn’t know how to talk about it. Where would he even begin?

“I don’t know,” he settled with, not bothering to open his eyes.

Phil sighed. “Did something happen? Something really bad?”

Dan could feel the memories resurfacing, but this time, he didn’t shove them away. “Yes.”

“And you feel responsible for it.”

Dan opened his eyes, looking over at Phil. Phil stared back at him, his eyes soft and caring.

“It is,” Dan whispered. “I left them, wanting to preserve my own self. I knew that they were sailing to their deaths, yet I didn’t try to save them. I only thought about myself. I only wanted to save myself.”

He sighed, rolling his head away from Phil. He didn’t want to see the pity in Phil’s eyes. “I’m not a good person, Phil. I spent months living on the streets, the fear of death being the only thing keeping me alive. I stole for myself, never for anyone else on the streets. And my crew, they were my family, but I spent months trying to forget them cause I was too cowardly to face the truth.” Dan could hear his voice break and he let out a shaky breath, not wanting to breakdown on Phil all over again.

Phil softly touched Dan’s shoulder, making him turn to Phil. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. You were only trying to live. And there’s nothing you can do now but to learn from what you did. It doesn’t have to be who you are anymore.”

For the first time since Phil had met him, Dan smiled. It was small, but it was progress.

“Thank you.” Dan felt lighter, the pain being replaced with a fuzzy happiness he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Phil smiled back. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I know we didn’t exactly get off to a good start, but to be fair you were stealing our food supplies.”

Dan snorted, his smile growing wider. “Okay, you have a point.”

Phil felt giddy, seeing Dan smile. It was contagious and adorable. And the dimples, they were dangerous for the heart. “Let’s try this again, but as friends. No imprisonment, no bargaining for freedom.”

Dan couldn’t have come up with a better idea. “So, friends now?”

Phil nodded. “Friends.”

-

It really was like they had started over.

Dan remained in Phil’s cabin as he recovered, bedridden by the concussion. It quickly got boring; staring at the ceiling wasn’t exactly a thrilling pastime but more of a form of punishment.

Thankfully, there was Phil.

He sacrificed time with his crew to hang out with Dan and exchange stories about their adventures out on the seas. It helped, Dan found, with moving on from the past. Remembering all the things he did with his old crew was bittersweet and if he needed to cry, he knew Phil wouldn’t judge him.

And he did cry twice. Both times, Phil held him close.

The first time he saw Phil cry was when he told Dan about the day he left to become a pirate. He had to leave; he had an arranged marriage with a girl and a boring job that made him miserable. The seas called for him and he finally listened to their call.

Even if it meant leaving his mother and older brother behind. There wasn’t a day that went by that Phil didn’t think of them.

Of course, all of this happened without the rest of the crew’s knowledge.

Dan slowly but surely recovered and quickly volunteered to help Phil out around the ship, motivated by a new desire to spend all his time with Phil.

It was the shock of everyone when they saw Dan and Phil laughing together. Last that they remembered, Phil spent most of his time yelling at Dan. Not laughing.

Some even started speculating about whether or not they had hooked up. They never let these rumors reach Dan or Phil.

Dan leaned against the railing, standing at the front of the ship with Phil. The sun was setting in front of them, turning the ocean a mixture of orange and yellows. The rest of the crew had gone beneath deck for dinner, but Dan had gotten lost in the view with Phil.

“I’ll never get over the view when the sun sets,” Dan stated, staring wishfully at the colors that blend together in a beautiful display.

Phil hummed in agreement. “I used to watch it everyday when I first became a pirate.”

Dan smiled, glancing over at Phil. He was glowing in the sunset light, his skin soft in the light and hair windblown from the ocean breeze. His chest gave a funny squeeze, but Dan ignored it and continued to stare at Phil.

They stood there in silence, Phil staring at the sunset and Dan staring at Phil. The memory of the map had been nagging at the back of Dan’s mind for a while now. He cared for Phil and didn’t want him to suffer the fate that awaited.

“Phil?” Dan whispered, suddenly overcome with the need to tell him.

Phil turned to him, his blue eyes intense and making Dan’s heart speed up. “What is it?”

Dan sighed and looked down at the deck. “Promise you won’t get mad at me.”

Phil frowned, suddenly concerned. “Why would I be mad?”

Dan shifted nervously. “I, well, I haven’t been completely honest.”

“What is it?”

Dan looked back up at Phil. “The map, the Isle of Riches. I’ve tried sailing there before. I almost made it.” He paused, hesitant to bring it up. There was no going back now, however. “But the isle, it’s not meant to be reached by a whole crew. A ship like this would be torn up from how shallow the water is and how unstable the tides are. I would know; my old crew tried to make it through, but I knew we couldn’t do it. I left before they went in and they never returned.”

Dan watched as Phil thought this through, his face neutral. He opened his mouth to apologize, however Phil beat him to speaking.

“We’ll send a couple small boats in, then. We can stop by a port and buy some. It’s an easy solution.” Phil smiled at Dan. “That’s not too bad, why would I be angry over that?”

Dan shrugged. “I could have told you sooner.”

“You could have, but there wouldn’t have been much of a difference. There’s still a week’s worth of sailing left before we hit the last port outside of the Isle. We have plenty of time still.”

Dan practically melted with relief, tension rolling off his shoulders. “Okay, good.”

Phil giggled. “You’re such a worrier, Dan.”

Dan didn’t argue with that; he did have a tendency to overthink things.

They slipped back into silence, Dan staring back out at the horizon. Phil moved so he was closer to Dan.

“Is it weird that I’m kind of glad you got that concussion?” Phil breathed, barely loud enough for Dan to hear. 

The confession rang loudly in Dan’s head, echoing throughout every part of him. “Why?”

Phil turned to him. “I would have never gotten to known you if you hadn’t gotten injured.”

Dan stared, Phil’s eyes so close to his own. And suddenly Dan was drowning, the blue flooding his lungs and suffocating his heartbeat. He let out a shaky breath. The distance between them was too close yet at the same time, too far.

“So am I.”

The world turned fuzzy around them, the sun burning Dan’s skin almost as much as Phil’s gaze. Dan couldn’t move, hypnotized by the waves in Phil’s eyes.

He could move forward and listen to his heart; he could listen to what it wanted. 

But he wasn’t sure if he even wanted that yet.

Luckily, it seemed Phil was in the same position. “We should head down for dinner before all the food is gone.”

Dan nodded, a bit too stiff to be normal. “Y-yeah, we should.” He gulped, the intensity of Phil’s eyes having frozen him in place. “I’ll be down there soon, once the sun goes down. Save some food for me?”

Phil smiled softly. “Of course.”

Dan listened to Phil walk away, the sound of his footsteps growing fainter until they were lost beneath the crashing waves. Dan closed his eyes, letting his head hang.

It seemed like yesterday that they were fighting and now they were inseparable. There was only one thing that hadn’t changed.

The blue of Phil’s eyes had always been there whenever he closed his eyes.

-

The week past within the blink of the eye like most of time tended to do.

 

Dan could feel the nerves building up, anxious about revisiting the area that held so many traumatic memories for him. He found himself back on the deck at the sunset, letting himself get lost in thought. Sometimes Phil would join him, standing quietly next to him. His presence was enough to relax Dan.

Soon, land was spotted, and the crew was preparing to land. Dan’s hands were shaking from the excitement, yet he knew that this was the last stop. The last place before they would be departing in small groups towards the island, battling against impossible waters.

“You doing okay?” Phil asked him as they were approaching the land.

Dan sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly.”

Phil nodded in understanding. “Tonight the crew is going down to the bar to unwind in typical pirate fashion. Do you want to come with?”

Dan grinned, knowing what exactly Phil meant. “Of course.”

Phil gathered the crew around and gave out the tasks, the promise of drinks at the end of the day motivating everyone. Dan volunteered to help Phil find some smaller boats to borrow or purchase.

They boarded easily at the port, which was relatively empty. The port was a bit more north than most pirates or sailors sailed. It was in rather good condition, the boards of the deck looking clean instead of rotting. They didn’t creak under Dan’s footsteps.

The port town was nestled in between two green mountains that loomed over them. It wasn’t a very busy town but well kept, lacking any signs of age or damage from weather.

The crew mingled in with the small crowd that was out on the street, Dan staying close to Phil’s side. The people of the town were friendly, though that was most likely because they didn’t get much traffic. They didn’t know the stress of a street pressed shoulder to shoulder with people.

They managed to find someone who was almost suspiciously eager to let them borrow some small boats to find the Isle of Riches.

“Ah yes, the Isle of Riches,” the man murmured, bringing the two down to where his boats were held at. “It’s been months since we’ve seen someone attempt to rich it.”

Dan stiffened.

“No one has thought of taking small boats up there. It’s a good idea, however, I will commemorate you for that.”

The man showed them the boats. They were the perfect size to fit the crew and sail through shallow, rough waters. They paid the man, who gave them an odd look before leaving.

“You really think we can do it?” Dan whispered, more to himself than to Phil.

Phil still heard him anyway. He reached out and squeezed Dan’s hand, sending butterflies through Dan’s stomach. “I know we can.”

Dan smiled at him. He loved the feeling of Phil’s hand against his own, the warmth reassuring and caring.

As the sun set that day, the two found themselves at the local tavern. Other members of the crew were already wasted, having finished up early and headed directly to the bar.

Dan and Phil sat together in a small booth, trying to distance themselves away from the loud buzz of the crowd. They originally had been planning to sit near other crew members, however Phil had saw someone who used to be apart of the crew three years ago and insisted that they moved.

The two sat in relative silence, at least as silent as it gets in a tavern. Dan watched in amusement as people began to dance, putting on their best tipsy dance moves which looked like a cat trying to walk on its hind legs. Thankfully, no one got on top of any tables.

Though that would have been entertaining to see, Dan mused.

Their first round of drinks came, Phil having ordered a couple for the evening.

“It’s to help unwind,” Phil explained, “also, I think they’re gonna have their hands full with the rest of the crew anyways.”

Dan picked up the first drink, a beer presumably. He wasn’t the biggest fan of it, but it would do.

“To finding the Isles of the Riches,” Phil toasted.

Dan rolled his eyes, reluctantly joining in on the toast before bursting into giggles. “That was so cheesy, you’re such a dork.” He tipped the cup of beer back, letting the alcohol enter his system. It had been a long time since he had had alcohol. Would it be so bad if he got wasted?

Phil laughed and took his own drink of his beer. He winced a bit at the taste, but overall it wasn’t bad.

They made their way through the first round of drinks before ordering a second, both a little tipsy and laughing at the way the room was spinning. At some point, Dan had gotten up and moved to Phil’s side of the booth, crowding him against the wall.

“Hi,” Dan greeted, grabbing a shot.

Phil giggled. “Why are you- why are you over here?”

Dan downed the shot and shrugged. “Wanted to be closer to you.”

This only made Phil giggle more, then hiccup loudly. He covered his mouth, cheeks turning red.

Dan gasped, then broke into a fit of laughter. “That was-that was so adorable.”

Phil turned even more read, leaning forward and hiding his face in Dan’s shoulder.

Dan grabbed another drink, sipping it without really tasting it. Everything was feeling fuzzy, the buzz of the rest of the bar making his head spin and the smell of Phil next to him filling his stomach with butterflies.

Phil downed another shot, the collapsed against the wall of the booth. His cheeks were a permanent pink, a lazy smile on his face. Dan couldn’t get his eyes off of him, suddenly overwhelmed. Phil stared back, the smile staying on his face, watching Dan slowly move closer.

In a blink of an eye, Dan had leaned forward and pressed his lips against Phil’s. Everything was on fire. Phil’s hands gripped onto Dan’s hair, kissing him harder with desperation and repressed urges. Dan was pressed fully against Phil.

They were drunkenly making out like every cheesy bar hookup movie. Except they had known each other for months.

They parted for a second, both out of breath, pupils wide with lust. Dan’s hands had moved so they were placed along the hem of his shirt, waiting impatiently to slip under and feel Phil’s skin.

Dan moved forward once again, biting Phil’s bottom lip, enjoying the whine Phil made. He let it go then kissed it as if it to heal it. Phil’s grip on his hair tightened and Dan knew he was fucked.

The waiter walked towards their table, though he quickly changed his mind when he saw the two glued together.

Dan didn’t know when, but his hands had slipped up Phil’s shirts and were roaming excitedly across the warm skin.

Phil shuddered both from the feeling of Dan’s hands on him good and how cold they were. “Dan.”

Dan paused, his lips hovering barely above Phil’s. “Yeah?”

“Let’s go back to the cabin.”

Dan grinned, grabbing Phil’s hand and pulling him eagerly out of the booth. They left without a word (or paying), other members of the crew observing them and gossiping about what was about to happen.

They stumbled down the streets, their coordination tainted with alcohol in them both. It took them much longer than it should have, but eventually they made it to the cabin. Phil slammed the door closed, then turned to Dan.

Dan wasted no time pressing Phil against the door, clumsily attacking Phil’s lips once more. The noises Phil made were worth the slight pain from their teeth clashing. 

Dan’s hands moved fast, pulling Phil’s shirt off to gain access without the fabric in the way. Phil repeated the same action with Dan before returning to making out. Phil grabbed Dan’s hips and pushed him backwards, moving him towards the bed.

Phil pushed Dan down, staring at him with blind desire. They shared a silent conversation, both knowing what they wanted.

Dan knew where this going and his drunk brain wanted it, badly. Occasionally his sober brain had wanted it as well, but that was only when he was alone with his thoughts and his hormones.

His body, however, had felt that he had had enough for the day. So while Phil was pulling off his pants, his own brain eager for what was to come, Dan fell asleep. When Phil saw him asleep, mouth wide open and snoring almost comically, he merely pouted.

“Dan,” he whined, but received nothing more than another snore. He giggled. “Sleepy boy.”

Phil laid down next to him, cuddling him as well as his drunk brain would let him. Within seconds, he too had fallen asleep.

-

With morning came regret.

Dan’s stomach felt like he’d gone on one too many roller coasters and his head was violently protesting against the drinks he had the previous night. There was a crick in his neck from sleeping on it wrong. Overall, Dan wanted death.

Dan groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in pain. He tried to move his body, only to end up hitting someone else.

His eyes flew open and he twisted his head, much to the dismay of his neck, to come face to face with Phil’s sleeping face.

Dan was frozen, his cheeks heating up. To make matters worse, they were both shirtless. Fuzzy memories of Phil’s lips made Dan groan once more, embarrassed by how indecent he had acted while drunk.

His groaning caused Phil to stir, his eyelids fluttering open to reveal clouded blue eyes. The squinted in pain, the hangover hitting him just as hard.

Their limbs were bent at awkward angles, the result of a drunk attempt at cuddling. Dan felt sore, sick, and thoroughly embarrassed. He had ruined everything.

“Dan?” 

Dan laughed nervously, quietly freaking out. “H-hi.”

Phil stared at him oddly, then rolled away, freeing Dan from his prison. “I don’t feel good.”

Dan could sympathize with that, especially his rolling stomach. “I think we drank too much.”

Phil grunted in reply. “Cuddle me,” he whined, desperate for affection to help soothe the hangover.

Dan stayed quiet, heart pounding too loudly for his own liking. While drunk, he hadn’t been scared about his feelings or worried what they could lead to. However, he wasn’t drunk. He was painfully sober and stuck with thoughts that were overwhelming.

“Actually, I-I think I’m gonna go,” Dan stammered, rising from the bed. His whole body protested, yearning to be cuddled up next to Phil, but his head was too stubborn for it, “I need to, uh, finish preparing for the trip.”

Phil looked at him, his expression unreadable. Dan could feel his own heart aching, but he knew this was for the best. Actually, he didn’t. He didn’t know anything; that was the real reason he was leaving.

The fear of the unknown, of them, was enough to drive Dan away, to make him return to his same cowardly ways.

So before Phil could stop him, Dan had grabbed his shirt and was out the door.

-

Dan walked all the way through town. He walked past the vendors and stores, ignoring any odd looks he received. He was aware that he looked as bad as he felt; greasy curls all over the place, sweaty shirt on his back, and eyes squinting against a migraine.

The town road slowly turned from rock to dirt, leading Dan out into the farmlands that rested beyond the town. The mountains appeared to have grown closer in a way that made Dan feel trapped, and not in a good way.

Somewhere along the road, he stopped, his legs shaking from the adrenaline that had been flowing through him ever since he left. He stumbled to the ground, becoming more and more aware of his body panicking. His heart was pounding in his ears like a drum and his breaths were shortened to where he could hear himself breathing.

It was eerily quiet out in the fields, the only noise coming from the town laughter that echoed off the valley walls. everything had shattered overnight and dan was back to where he started, running off to preserve himself.

Except this time, there was no physical danger threatening him; only his mind. That wasn’t something he could run from and it terrified him more than anything.

His breathing slowed down eventually, though not before his eyes stung in allusion to tears.

He looked back at the town, his whole body aching. If he was to continue on this path of running, this repeating cycle of abuse to his own self, he couldn’t turn back no longer. He needed to get away.

The sun burned his back all day as he walked along the dirt road, his heart sinking more and more with each step. The sun merely served as a reminder of the ship and of the captain who lead it. The same captain who had captured his attention with ocean eyes and a soft heart.

The pain from the thoughts steadily grew unbearable and Dan had to bite his lip multiple times to keep the sobs from ringing out. The walking helped, however, and soon he found himself with a clearer head than he had started the day out with.

For the second time that day, he was hit with regret.

It was too late to turn back now, however, with the sun creeping low in the sky. Instead, he needed to find a place to rest for the evening. Walking off the path, he found a sagging willow tree. The area around its roots was nothing more than dirt that was surprisingly soft under Dan’s feet as if it were a plant that had been well-watered.

Dan leaned against the trunk of the tree and sighed, closing his eyes. His stomach growled with a hunger he hadn’t known for what felt to be a lifetime. He ignored it, instead pulling his legs to his chest and crying for his own stupidity.

-

“Dan? Dan!”

Dan slowly opened his eyes, confused. The sun was hovering below the horizon, dawn’s light kissing everything with a soft glow.

And there was Phil, running up to him.

Dan gasped before Phil collided with him, grabbing his body and holding him close. He smelled of sweat and salt, but Dan didn’t mind. Instead, he felt the tears returning once more as he realized that he hadn’t lost everything, that he hadn’t lost the most important person in his life.

Phil leaned back, his own eyes puffy and swollen. “I thought I had lost you,” Phil whispered, almost as if too much noise would shatter Dan.

“I’m sorry,” Dan croaked, his throat dry and sore, “I’m sorry, I should have stayed, I was going to come back. I ran away from you, I abandoned you.”

Phil pulled him closer, resting his forehead against Dan’s. “You don’t need to runaway, Dan. I want you to stay, I want you to be with me.”

Dan stared at Phil’s eyes. He stared at the blue that had always drowned him, always made his stomach twist with nerves.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

Dan swallowed, still staring at the blue. Then he closed his eyes, leaned forward, and let his lips softly brush against Phil’s. It said everything he couldn’t say, with the timidness and gentle way he moved, scared that any moment Phil would pull away and break his heart.

Phil kissed back, more confident, yet nothing of the drunk passion of the previous night. He tasted of the ocean and Dan felt like someone had dropped a warm blanket over him.

Dan broke the kiss, though he didn’t go far. “I want to stay this time. I want to stay with you. I’m tired of running.”

Phil smiled softly. “You don’t need to run from me.” He reconnected their lips, his hands rubbing circles on Dan’s back in a lazy, comforting fashion. Then he gently cradled Dan’s head with his head and pulled him to his chest, almost as to protect Dan or keep him close in fear of losing him again.

They sat in silence, the cool morning breeze chilling them slightly and the birds chirping as they announced their hunt.

“We were supposed to leave for the Isle of Riches yesterday,” Dan recalled.

Phil stroked his hair like a cat, not seeming too concerned about it. “I told the crew to go ahead without me. I had something more important than money to find.”

Dan felt his heart swell and he smiled. “Thank you, for finding me again.”

“Of course.”

Dan knew that it was time to start facing things, instead of running from them in hopes that they’d go away. “Can I ask you favor?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t let me run away ever again.”

Phil laughed, the sound heavenly to Dan. “I know you aren’t going to run away again.”

“But how?”

Phil shrugged. “You said it yourself; you’re done running away from things. And I believe you.”

Dan lifted his head, looking into Phil’s eyes. Beyond their puffiness, there a soft glow, and Dan knew that he was going to be okay. Maybe not now, but one day.

The blue was the last thing he saw before he kissed Phil once again. But they no longer drowned him. They welcomed him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be an epilogue however it will be much shorter than these chapters were!


	3. that you would be my comfort, you could bring the healing

9 months later -

Dan was woken to the feeling of someone holding him. He smiled, opening his eyes to find the room dimly lit by the dawn light.

It was early, too early for him to get up. Someone’s arms were wrapped around his waist and he could feel their breath against the back of his hair. Carefully, he rolled so that he was facing the person.

It was Phil, of course, still asleep. It was the same face Dan had woken up to nearly every morning for the past few months.

Normally, Phil was the first one to wake. Dan was naturally nocturnal, so it made sense that he would stay up late. This time, however, Dan was the first one awake.

Dan settled his arms around Phil’s waist and took comfort in the warmth of Phil’s skin against his own. He watched Phil sleep, his chest rising and falling slowly, mouth slightly parted, and hair pushed off his face. It made something comforting settle in Dan’s chest.

He couldn’t help but place a gentle kiss on Phil’s nose, heart full of love for the man who helped him face his past and move on. The touch disrupted Phil’s sleep and he slowly began to stir.

“Hm?” Phil mumbled, opening his eyes. They were clouded with sleep like a sky full of storm clouds. Dan would never get over how stunning they were.

“Morning,” Dan whispered, running his hand softly up and down Phil’s spine. He’s looking at Phil with such fondness that if anyone was to walk in and see it, they’d throw up.

Phil pulled Dan closer so he could hide his face in Dan’s neck. “Too early,” he complained.

Dan laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Phil’s hair. “I’m up first today.”

Phil merely grunted, wanting to go back to sleep.

“Maybe we could go to the market early, visit Sandra’s shop. We could eat breakfast there. Afterwards, we could go sailing for a bit. Have a bit of fun in the boat, if you know what I mean.”

Phil pinched Dan.

“Mean.” He fell into silence, feeling sleepiness begin to tug at him again. “You ever wondered what would have happened if you had gone to the Isle?”

Phil pulled back a bit, looking at Dan. “Not really. I’m happy with how things turned out. I have you.”

He was still curious. “What do you think would have happened?”

Phil thought about it. “I would have been miserable. And disappointed, but mostly miserable. I mean, the island turned out to be rich as in the food was rich there, nothing to do with money at all.” He sighed, resting his forehead against Dan’s. “You don’t need to worry about the what if’s or the past. I don’t regret what I choose to do; you are my world and you’re worth more to me than all of the world’s riches.”

Dan practically melted. He gently kissed Phil, the feeling of his lips against Phil’s sending comfort through him.

“I don’t regret what I did either. Some of the things I did weren’t the best, but I’ve moved on. I have you now, I have Sandra and the rest of the crew.” He kissed Phil again, then broke off into a yawn. 

“Still sleepy?”

Dan nodded. “Maybe we can go out later.” He could feel his eyes fighting to close, wanting to stay open and stay lost in the blue while also needing to rest.

Phil smiled softly, bringing a hand up to tangle itself in Dan’s curls. “Yeah, maybe later.”

Dan closed his eyes. “Love you.”

The kiss on his forehead said everything it needed to. Dan fell asleep, not surrounded by riches, but with a heart full of happiness and love.

And that was what really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are done! feel free to leave any prompts below


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